5. Cats: Let’s be honest, having a box of shit somewhere in your house is less than ideal. And what do you get for keeping said shit in said house? A thing that bites and scratches and knocks your TV over. We’ve all seen the videos. Let’s examine this shit house; large box of sand, with a plastic spatula next to it, ready for your twisted game of buried treasure. And waiting for your attention are large Lincoln logs or diarrhea discs of fish smelling squirts. Hopefully you’re cat isn’t at all under the weather, because then you’re looking in the wrong place. Check your laundry basket for hints that your puss is sick (and hates you). Not to mention that by the very act of shitting, your cat is trying to kill you. Felines are big enough animals to make pretty big feces, especially when you consider that you’re stacking it up like mud bricks instead of disposing of it as it happens. 2 out of 5 stars.
4. Small Dogs: Dogs are walked outdoors multiple times a day, because they are self respecting animals that don’t want to destroy the inside of the house in which their loved ones live. Big dogs have big insides and that can lead to big stacks of poo for you to either pick up or run away from at high speeds (so as not to be seen shirking your duty duties). But small dogs don’t have that issue. Small dogs have small compact butt holes that produce small compact presents for little bum baggies to pick up. And even if the wee pup has an accident inside the house, it’s usually tiny and very easy to clean up; politely pooped out of the way in some corner. In case of sickness the mess smoothly seeps into the grass, feeding the soil and renewing the earth. 3 out of 5 stars
3. Bunnies: Bunnies mostly live in cages. But even if they’re let out of their tiny prisons, their petite pellets are very quickly and easily eliminated from your living space. A cage full of them is no trouble at all as it easily dumps into a nice compost heap in your backyard. I also have it on good authority that they eat a lot of their poop. Like Donald Trump. If you want to take your bunny for a walk, no one will bat an eye should you leave the droppings in the grass. No one will even see what happened. However – watch for hawks – you’re walking a bunny outside. 4 out of 5 stars
2. Red Eyed Tree Frog: These guys are tiny and eat mostly crickets, the potato chip of bugs. Their poop smears are tiny Rorschach tests on the fake foliage in their glass aquarium. If you see a squirt of poop paint about the size of a pinky nail – he just had the BM of his short life. Just a quick wipe down of the whole glass house is all that’s required here. 4.5 out of 5 stars.
1. Wild Squirrel: Cute, frisky, inexpensive to keep – wild squirrels are an ideal pet poop-wise too. What does it look like? How much to do they go? Is it good for your skin? Who knows! Nuts aren’t the only thing these little guys like to hide. Their dung dailies are a well kept secret in the animal kingdom. Open the window, throw out those stale muffins and have some quality time with your wild squirrel. Then watch as he politely leaves to have some privacy during his feral feces fix. 5 out of 5 stars.
Median Intelligence 